I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I did not marry a roomba.
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