just come out here and I will go home with you...
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
