Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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