I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
