Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
