apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
