I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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