i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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