why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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