I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
We are all done wearing pants today
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
