dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
