nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
