I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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