just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
