Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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