For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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