wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
