You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I don't want my vagina anymore.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
