Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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