can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
