I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize