I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
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