evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just pynch a tree in the face
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I can't turn off my feet"
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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