next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
she looked like the before picture.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
