Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
