I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You are the jesus of drinking
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
