you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
