i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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