I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
that's an acceptable place to lick
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
