Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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