ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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