Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
