In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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