Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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