areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
