i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
