Where did you get a picture of my penis
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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