I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
