so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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