I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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