god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I want her autograph on my taint
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
