There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
