I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
