i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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