i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
