what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
