i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
