Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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