Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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