if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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