Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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