why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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