you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
