It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
