If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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