the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
