quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
