nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
