Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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