my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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