Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize