all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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