Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
