sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
