My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
