I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
