I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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