a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I need moral support for this bender
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
