i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just pee around me
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
