So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
