okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
