Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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