I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
