im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
